God is in Control (And other things I've re-learned recently)

Just over a week ago, my grandmother passed away. (I promise this post gets brighter.) She was really sick, and we knew that day would come. But when I got the call, it still felt devastating. My grandmother was like a friend, mentor, and example of faith who I could talk to for hours about married life, mothering, and the Bible. 

The summer I got married, she invited me over for "cooking lessons" (possibly to spend the time together or possibly because she already saw my very fit husband losing weight because of my HORRIBLE cooking! Haha). She would tell me funny stories about being married to my grandfather as she and I cooked very simple dinners. She'd send me home with whatever we had cooked, plus another meal she had ready in the fridge (she seriously must have been worried that poor Devin was starving haha). Spending a whole day together of talking and cooking always flew by. 

She also had such patience with my kids, even though they were loud and made messes everywhere we went. Her years of teaching nursery school and having 3 kids in 3 years could have cured her of wanting to be around little ones. But instead, she loved my little guys so much. She would sit and watch Aiden and Emma's interactions, and marvel at things that I never would have noticed, like the way Aiden noticed colors or shapes in a puzzle. She would compliment how I disciplined them, and wasn't phased that she and I could scarcely get through a sentence without a toddler interrupting us. 

For 15 years, she led the same women's Bible study. In a world of church-hopping and fear of committing to things, just that longevity is impressive. But even more impressive is her genuine love for God's Word. She got saved when my mom was a teenager, so it wasn't til she was about 40 that she even started following God. And she spent the next 45 years studying the Bible--her bookshelf was proof: concordances, study books, commentaries, everything. 

When I snap a cute photo of Riley, I still instinctively think to text it to her before I quickly remember: that's not an option anymore. My chest tightens when I think about how she and I won't get to talk about what her Bible study was on that week and should kindergarten curriculums focus on kindness/play instead of worksheets/reading. 

In the fresh moments of grief, letting it sink in that she's really gone, and in this past week, I am reminded of something she held to be completely true: 

God is in control. 

He is not surprised by nationwide pandemics, by deaths in the family, by the heartache of wishing I could see my family. 

Right now I'm reading through Genesis/Job (as part of The Bible Recap's read the Bible in a year reading plan!), and in spite of real devastation and grief, I see God's sovereignty. In bringing chaos into order as he created the world, he is in control. In flooding the earth and restoring it, he is in control. When we have personal tragedy, he's in control. 

And not only is he in complete control when I'm struggling, but he's also enough. As her health declined, my grandma would often quote "my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26). He is near to me in my times of sitting on the floor in tears, he is my strength when I feel like parenting is too much, he is enough no matter what struggles come up. 

God is my strength. 

I hope that wherever you are in this unprecedented time of quarantine, that you turn to God and his Word. May he be our comfort, our strength. He is enough for us in whatever we're working through. 

What's something God has been teaching you recently?

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