surrendering everything to God is a really ugly thing. 

"this is kind of an important thing, Jesus, so you should probably leave it up to me."
"i have theeeeese dreams, and i've done alot to make sure they happen, so here they are, i lay them at your feet, but do your best not to mess it all up, because i've put so much effort in on my part. it's your turn, but don't blow it."

 i dont even feel like praying about it, i just shake my head towards heaven and defeatedly admit, "do whatever, God, because you would anyway, without my measly permission."

 my "WHY GOD WHYYYY" mentality when things don't work out the way i planned? probably not the best approach. 

my new perspective when things don't go my way:
 it's one big WAAAH WAAAAHH and then you're like, oh crap. trust God, remember?
easier said than done. 

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